Being about 6000km away from home, you begin to realise what it is that you've been taking for granted for years and how much you miss them now. For instance, right now I miss having decent curry.
Not long ago however, just a few hours ago in fact, I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head was the way my youngest brother looked when I scolded him after he stole my eraser back when I was in standard 3 or something. I remember feeling so bad at myself because of how sorry he looked and I ended up giving it to him. Then I remembered how I used to scold my second brother for being always being so shy and difficult and completely incapable of taking care of himself back when he was a kid. It got so bad that I went to the point of physical violence. Never anything too bad, but it was pretty demeaning and humiliating to the both of us.
At this point, you can probably tell that I've never been the most well-centred of people. I used to have virtually no patience and was very well-known for having both silent and loud explosions of temper. This was before teen angst kicked in. Many people suffered in my wake. When I think of all the trouble I caused, I did suffer too.
I look back over the years and see how my brothers have grown up into fine young men. The way they carry themselves. My second brother even has a job now and my youngest brother has found an interest in girls. My dad was a family-man who would come home everyday even during lunch time to be with his family (because we stayed where he worked). I think it was his presence that instilled a sense of responsibility in my brothers. I don't even have too hard a time taking care of them. My brothers hardly get themselves into any trouble. In fact among the three of us, I've caused the most trouble over the years.
I remember a time when I was taught how to ride a bike by my dad. Then I remember the times when I taught my younger brothers how to ride the bike. Once we all knew how to balance on two wheels, we pretty much ran into everything we could. Clumsiest people on earth. For some reason, we were all rather unathletic without practice. But after years of playing football and running, we actually possessed a certain amount of skill. I used to think people who sucked at sports were just that. They just sucked. Up till now I've still never met anyone who could go from being flat-footed to knowing how to place a football in a certain part of the net from half the field away. That was how my brothers were. After having years of no practice, I've noticed that they are becoming more and more flat-footed again. I never knew this was possible. I always thought a person was one or the other. I did not think there was a possibility of alternation let alone multiple transitions of abilities.
My brothers now both play guitar. We never really came from a musical family or anything. But all my uncles including my dad, could sing and play guitar. The three of us, play guitar far better than them, but should never be asked to sing. Just recently, we found out we have a huge number of relatives from my father's side who are all musically-raised and come from a musical family. Our assumptions that we were the first to get into the gigging scene was completely wrong. I come from a family of entertainers and advertising people. Considering the way my family members behave, advertising people seem to be like entertainers as well. I love that part of me. I love that part in my brothers. We're always able to strike up a conversation or draw interest. All three of us do it in very different ways. But we have that much in common. Yet, all three of us suffer from a lack of confidence. The entertaining is just a way of hiding it. I have since noticed that it's the same for a lot of my family members. As much as they wouldn't care to admit it.
My second brother now plays better guitar than I do. I still bust his chops for playing metal. But only for fun. In actual truth, I was so bloody proud of him I could've punched him. This includes my youngest brother as well. Both of whom picked up the guitar after I did. Still juveniles but behave like real men. Taking care of my mother when dad and I are away. I like to think that my mother is in very safe hands because in many ways, they've always been far more family-orientated than I am. My brother has since gotten a driver's licence and crashed a car. Following in my footsteps of pulling a whole lot of shenanigans. In short, getting a bit more independent. My youngest brother will soon be doing the same. The way I listen to them tell me stories nowadays, sometimes you can't believe how much they've grown up. These are the first people whom I've literally watched grow up and grew up with me.
We used to give each other nicknames (Jaguar and Jagung) and I used to draw them cartoons of superhero's with fruits for heads (Orangeman, Appleman, etc.). The villain was always "The Bee". Don't ask me how that happened. I was a kid. My imaginations were a bit nonsense. It still is. The same goes for my brothers. From those childish jokes to the intelligent, grown-up jokes I sometimes hear from them nowadays, it surprises me to think that just 10 or so years ago, I was still teaching them how to tie their shoelaces. Now, I'm teaching them about college. In fact, they might even know more about it than I do at this point.
They still close the gates for me every single time I go out. I still remember waving goodbye to them everytime I leave the house with the car. I remember playing childish games even at this age with them. For example seeing who can shout the loudest and most annoyingly in staccato (very hard to explain) in the car when mom's not around. I always take the liberty of sending them to their jamming sessions. Makes me very proud to see them have their own bunch of friends with the same mindset and actually setting out to achieve something or just to have fun.
Waking up earlier, and remembering how my brother looked so guilty after I scolded him for stealing my eraser when we were so young, made me think of them a whole lot. As you can tell, I've had a lot on my mind these past few days. The way things are now, and the simpler times when the thing we looked forward to most every single day is to go out and ride our bikes and crash into each other. I taught them about grasshoppers and frogs. I've seen them create wonderful things out of nothing. Do things that I'd never have thought or imagined doing in a million years. The childish nonsensical words and whimsical songs we came up to tease each other, still ring rather clearly in my head.
I know it may be a bit redundant to say this now. But I've seen my brothers from the day I put on their diapers wrongly for them, up till today when they're growing into fine young men. Besides being incredibly proud of them, I really do miss my brothers now......
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